I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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