if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
