Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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