Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
