Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
