i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
