Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
