I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
