but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
