I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
