I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
