i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
