i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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