I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
