I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
