i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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