Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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