Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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