dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
