Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
