I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We're too hungover to prance.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
