You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
