I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
