so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
