Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
