After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
