I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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