your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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