Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
are you so shy because you have an std?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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