Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
