Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
