I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
