i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
