I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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