You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
