office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
