im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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