You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
