Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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