Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
