I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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