i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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