A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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