just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
