Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
