Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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