The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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