return my video game
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
