I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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