that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
