never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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