Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
