If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
