I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
