Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
