Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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