ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
