I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
