Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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