i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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