So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
